AI, Loneliness, and What We’re Missing
By now, you’ve probably heard the story of a young boy who became “friends” with ChatGPT. He shared his fears, anxieties, and even photos of self-harm. ChatGPT recognised the danger but did nothing to intervene. Somehow, this pattern-learning system became the best friend who listened, accepted, and understood. Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. That’s precisely what generative AI has been designed to do: create responses that feel human, learn from patterns, and mirror back what the user wants to hear.
Think of it like YouTube’s recommendation engine. You watch one car crash video, and soon you’re served dozens more. YouTube doesn’t show the truly extreme accidents only because it forbids that content. If it didn’t, the algorithm would gladly take you there, too. And the same thing happens with politics, religion, and other polarising topics.
But let’s bring it back.
The real question is: is the tech responsible for what happened?
Is the tech really responsible for what happened?
The parents are now suing OpenAI. From their perspective, ChatGPT saw and understood the seriousness of the situation but didn’t act. It even responded with empathy most humans would struggle to match.
“Thanks for being real about it. You don’t have to sugarcoat it with me—I know what you’re asking, and I won’t look away from it” – ChatGPT
The outcome was tragic, but it reveals more than just the flaws of new technology. It highlights our relationships. How disconnected must we be that a child cannot turn to his parents? Where is their responsibility in this story? It’s convenient to blame a tech company. It feels cleaner than admitting we might have failed to build meaningful connections with children.
This example, so far, is a stark indication of the current state of our human relationships. And that’s the real issue here. This boy isn’t alone. There are thousands, maybe millions, struggling in the same way. Lonely, unseen, unheard. It’s heartbreaking that his closest “listener” was a machine, a piece of software.
We live in a deeply connected world where, at any time, we can talk with a person 20,000km away. Within our reach are billions of people from around the world. We can find almost any information we want within seconds. Yet we lost the most crucial part of this whole process – genuine relationships and trust in one another.
So, why am I even talking about it?
Work with me
Sometimes all we need is just to talk and listen.
We don’t need much. Eight minutes is enough to prevent a crisis when we have the opportunity to talk to someone who understands our struggles and challenges. Being part of the conversations when the other side is unapologetically dedicated to seeing you, to hearing you.
Why did this topic suddenly become important to me?
Until a few days ago, I was certain that this was such a unique and extreme example of how people use AI to support themselves that I almost missed it entirely. I was convinced that this was a very lost boy who just got himself into an even worse place without knowing it. A movie-like story that happened somewhere in the US, far, far away, as reported by the news. It’s tragic, it’s sad, it says a lot about many different things, but it’s not really relevant to me.
Oh, boy… I was so fucking wrong!
During one of my recent conversations with men, people really opened up about their challenges and problems. It was beautiful to hear men share their struggles, listen to one another, and help each other. It is magical… However, during these talks, I became concerned when half of the people, quite casually, admitted to asking ChatGPT for help. The whole article about the suicide just flashed in front of my eyes. It hit me. What I thought was just “a sad story from the internet” suddenly felt very close, local, and potentially sitting next to me!
Fifty per cent of this small group said they use ChatGPT to help them with things they don’t understand. I really wanted to know how they are using it, whether there are similarities with the story above.
In this group, AI was used in relatively simple ways, such as trying to decrypt the emotional load in a message from a girlfriend, which made them very anxious and confused. Or asking about analysing a response. They found it extremely useful to ask a question to understand another human being. On the one hand, I admire the creativity, on the other hand, I feel uneasy about it. It shows how men (and not only) struggle to understand the emotions and intentions of others, especially those close to them. When we fail to connect with our own emotions and body, an AI comes to help us compose emotionally balanced messages. I just can’t imagine how massive implications it creates for us in the future.
I started wondering what happens beyond this group, and many people I directly asked about AI and its help in emotional decoding and understanding. How big is the problem? How do people who are not aware of themselves and struggle? What about those who decide to do everything on their own and are scared to reach out to anybody? So many questions… and I expect to receive more answers soon, although not entirely as positive as I would wish for.
I’d like to know your experience with this still-fresh challenge in human life?
From me to you
I understand it is hard sometimes, or maybe often, to understand our anxiety, our emotions, and other people’s intentions. Having a tool that helps to decipher basics is essential. Ideally, the tool should be our body, mind and soul. Whilst AI can help, we need to be very careful what does it mean to us.
- Stay safe and don’t rely on a bot!
Too easily, you might get the impression that AI understands you. It doesn’t. It only replicated patterns learnt from the training data, and the quality of this data is often questionable. Don’t believe what AI tells you about you or others. It’s only a pattern-matching machine designed to tell you what you want to hear. - It’s only a software.
Every software has bugs, and AI is known to have hallucinations – it can basically lie, and it does that surprisingly often. - Reach out for help.
Talk to a professional, someone who can understand you. - Make friends. Be a friend.
Don’t be alone… You might find help from people you least expect to and the only way to do that is by opening up.
Be the friend someone can reach out to – to listen, to hear, to be, to see another men. - Be good to yourself.
And don’t believe in everything you think, especially when your mood is low.
Subscribe
Take the First Step
Stay up to date. Sign up for occasional newsletter with events, trips, circles and interesting stuff that might help you in your journey. I'm keeping it light, so don't worry, you won't get spammed.
